[33] New Year Revolutions

[33]

New Year Revolutions


More often, I love being Pinoy. The splendid thought of eating at dewy 12 midnight after a corny solid countdown is more than just tradition, it is life. The fireworks and horns that can knock you out to the emergency room are what we still not consider against any law on health and etiquette. Sipping coffee and tansfiguring your eyebags lager than Manny Pacquiao's overused fists as you stay awake and wait for greetings via SMS courtesy of clogged networks and shattered UnlimiTXT can paralyze you the next minute. The tumultous noise that can evolve into a rampage if given the worst chance osmosizes inot people's houses. JUBILATIONS, what good ways to celebrate the new year!


Too bad, the fun-and-games ends there.


The remaining 364 days become rmapant witnesses of man's crime. I have become desperate as I watch 24 Oras every dusk. Perhaps, my self-moronization and weariness can be easily smashed if ever the people I will mention will do their respective resolutions:

ACTING Pres. Gloria: "I promise not to order homicides to the leftists aka people who oppose me as I will gulp 3 capsules of Cherifer everyday."

Jay of Cueshe: "I promise to drown myself therefore not to appear for eternity."

De Venecia: "I promise to slam my head on the door of the House."

Cristy Fermin: "I pomise to cut my tongue though the wedged guillotine to save Filipino celebrities' reputations."

Manny Pacquiao: "I promising to stop boxing and instead, of course, to boxing my mother's nose."

My pamangkins: "We promise to feed ourselves to carnivorous Venus flytraps."

St. Paul College of Ilocos Sur: "We promise not to be liable of any forms of bloodsucking and kupitness."

Raul Gonzales:" I promise to shut up in the first place."

"A jubilating new year!"

[32] Santa claus is an akyat bahay

[32]


Santa claus is an Akyat-bahay


Who of all people in my age do believe in the flabby huge white-bearded man in a frivolous red get-up?? I believed in Sta. Claus! That is, I BELIEVED, with a capital D, I believed that though not necessarily within a damp dusty mucky chimney, he dropped by our house gifts. I believed that Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer led the other bunch of his kind to drive the sleigh at Christmas eve defying all laws of gravity. I believed that Santa was the kindest of the kind. To the religious and devout, please do not be mistaken: this is not my Apostles's Creed!


As a sixteen year-old juvenile, I wish that until these bright-lighted ages of technology, that a common myth still would diffuse over my state during Christmas. We have no chimneys at home, but i knew that there was a real Santa, though physiologically with such waistline, it was all a joke against him. And as I matured, I had spanked all kinds of bedtime myths and believe me, it has become soooo boring. Giving gifts, alright has offered such delight but being in the atmosphere of an excited credulous brat is a treasure. Hear I go again, I just don't wanna grow old and up. People described me in HS as" a puerile boy who thinks he has no problems inlife, but in reality the only problem is he himself?" I have relinquished the thought of it now, and as I see my pamangkins rejoice as every night the christmas tree is lit up as if they just solved a homicidal Trigonometry question. I miss being a kid. I sound quirky, aint I?


I miss Carols. Carols are fantastic. You sing in front of people's houses where in fact, you are wailing, yowling, caterwauling. People deliberately give you money because they are practically on their way to self-deetruct of hearing your unrythmical rhythm. In my acquisition of a venearrated voice box, back in HS, I usually with Jc, Jep, Kat, Iris, etcetera carolled along Vigan and enjoyed the satisfaction of sheer p100 more or less each.


Waiting constantly til that second hand tic tacs on the number 12 along with fireworks outside, I remain awake to give worthy SMS replies to those who actually remember. This Christmas, i create an advisrory against chain text messages which only make no sense and build intrigues on the gullibly stupid. People. Please. Utang na Loob.

Christmas is not a 24-hour coverage; its countdown starts 100 days before[that's my bday1]. Its exaggerated. Embelished. But what can we do, we're Pinoys! Haven't you heard of TULOY NA TULOY PA RIN ANG PASKO??

Kahit na anong mangyari
ang pag-ibig sana ay maghari
sapat nang si Jesus ang kasam mo!
Tuloy na tuloy pa rin ang Pasko!

Happy Holidays!!!

[31] The Oblation Rush

[31]

The Oblation Rush


Apparently, I didn't study in UP to get the chance of evolving into a humdrum nerd who will swim in the pool of numerical figures, historical events, and scientific terms. I studied here to have a taste of things new ro moi.

December 15. The Oblation Run. Or should I say, "The Much Awaited, Titillating, Galvanizing Parade of Masked Nude Frat Boys Especially For Innocent-looking Girls." NOTE: A couple of days before, I was sinking in the thought of Prof. Griplado's message, " Go there[oblation run], be part of tradition!" Like who graduates without having been in attendance of the event in his/her four years in Peyups, huh? Well, anyway I was there with a bunch of orgmates a quarter to 12. Exactly Twelve PM, or so I thought, the AS crowds began to shriek and scream as the 'runners' scampered holding roses fairly given to women near the 'running aisle'. I actually didn't see any 'thing' because I know how the 'thing' looks like already coz I have the 'thing' since birth. I just ended up bursting in laughter for my blockmate/orgmate a meter away from me was screeching, almost clamoring, "Wala akong makita, nakakainis! Ano ba yan! Puro buhok!" and everytime I remember her in that situation, O simply giggle.


Then it was over. As the hordes composed of both satisfied and unsatisfied people and the press retreated, Ephy just came and had seen nothing thanks to urban traffic in Commonwealth. He asked me playfully, "Ano? Nanood ka for comparison and contrarst?!" and we both laughed naughtily.


A rally against tution fee increease was expected after, and for the first time, I JOINED. I was with Shen and Steph, and I knew then that that day was gonna be more memorable than my first communion. Though the sun was blazing hot hot hot, the umbrella was the only hope we've got against sunburn, for Shen who must have been a sundial in her past life knew exactly where the ultraviolet rays of the sunwould shine unto. The protest was a unity! I don't know, I thought that rallies and protests were just some sorts of misusing one's larynx and getting skin cancer. But the moment I stepped in, though not with the shouting stuff, I realized that I was fighting once and for all.

Messing around occured when we took crazy pics in Quezon Hall.

The idea was that I was there, and I was part of history.

[thirtieth] current events

[thirtieth]


**unedited. i'll plonk pics next time.

current events


That's right! I am a sore loser when it comes to CURRENT EVENTS. I got one-fifth of our quiz in Journ 100!


Anyway, here's the not so current events:


December 11

I went with my blockmates. Wena, Shen, Amae, Ela, Kea to SM North and ended up playing in the WORLD of FUN. We saw Jason, you know the PBB housemate whateverer, and had a photo with him. Yax! Hahaha

December 12

For the first time this semester, Ephy and I saw each other and it was , uhhh, surprising.

UP-MCO bears new breed of applicants. My blockmates Kea, Mix, and Wena joined too! Whopee!

December 13

Boredom day.

December 14

Last day of classes. Bowling again! My first two games were suicidal, scores of 69 and 71.

I hope to see Jek in Katips.

December 15

Christmas Partei in J100.

Oblation Run.

Lantern Parade.

[29] Hello Christmas Vacation

[29]


Hello Christmas Vacation




{this pic is from kuya bikoy's bikoy.net}

Yess. After barely six days, I'm gonna direct to the province. I know, i know, many are salivating for these students will be tearing calendars while crying and whinning ahead of academics, while I---ahem---get to spend it with pure pampering. Alas, I am gonna sleep, like I never slept in my entire life, and past lives. I was a cloud before, you know that, I float and float and gets floaten away!



I came across with TINIG ng PLARIDEL first issue, care of UP Mass Communication writers, and played along with my mind to join too. Apart form Kule, atleast this paper don't get too much outside beyond our building. I read AFTER 26, empowering an anonymous Journ student's feelings and thoughts bout what happened to She and Karen, members of affiliations which are leftist. Both kidnapped allegedly by the military. Yess, to who you call PRESIDENT is nothing more but a murderer! Script that on stone!


Miriam Defensor Santiago is a mascot of Marvin the Martian. She's not angry. She's irate.She's homicidal. She's suicidal. She's foaming in her mouth. She's hitting the roof! She spits in the face of Chief Justice Artemio Panganiban.

Miriam, miriam, miriam. Let me tell you: get an 8-hour sleep. It'll not frizz your hair.


OBLATION RUN in UP: Decembuh 15, 11.30. Run AFTER your lives ladies!!!


I was put under probationary status in UP-MCO. That's why I am giving it my all to attend respective activities. had fun especially with Meg jiving with it.

Rummage Sale photos

[28] Jessica, like the Batanes Islands

[28]

**for Dec. 9

Jessica, like the Batanes Islands

NOTE: The person is actually not a corpse YET.


Name: Akanishi Jekjek
Nick': Jessica Isabel Sofia Dacanay Yupano Ho-Sotto-Rabang-Rialon
Address: currently living in a self-constructed shanty in the left nostril of Bakekang
Phone Number: 0906&*()##$^&
Sex: specify what kind, please [smirk smirk]
Affiliation/s: League of Superhuman Suckers [L.S.S.] headed by Barry
Mother: chaos
Father: sperm
Birthday: D-uh
Actor/s Actress/es: Jenifrances Talania--perfect picture of terrorism
Singer/s: Manny Pacquiao, Eddie Gil
Song/s: Barry's album
Eyes: i'm a cyclopes
Vital Statistics: not of any resemblance to that of Paris Hilton
Hair: dooooooomed
Motto in Life: I think I shall never see, a hair as lovely as mine.
Greatest Achievement: grow by a millimeter and a half








The REvolution....


she was a coconut husk

turned to a clownish feather duster

then a ran-after hunk!

now...she's just a ghost in the mirror.
Hehehe...



Evaluating...


Jessica, like Batanes, has hair that has survived any subforms of calamity ie typhoons/hurricanes. Her hair is a shield topped on her grey matter, protecting her friends from any mortar you would propel on them. Her hair symbolizes her personality: insane, grimacy, frenzy and crazy. Her hair engulfs her superior intelligence over me, though she's in LaSalle, bet you did not know that she is too good for any man with unspeakable brain size. Her hair is her crowning glory that, when she sits in the front rows of the movie seats, can hover over the entire mini-dome feeding on unhealthy yet expensive popcorn; meaning: she acquires just big amount of hair strands. Smile.






You can be gifted with the capacity to sing maiming hymns, dance wrathful ritual-like dances, read pornography-oriented glossy mags, criticize someone's hideousness.... and yet, she will just be standing beside you, giving you warmth.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

[27] "that's HOT!"

[27]



Thanks to Mesdames Ada HoLiness
for the new layout!

"that's HOT!"


Barry Bulletin






1.It's a new layout fellow morons! Like it?? As if I care if you don't!



2.Aaarrgh.



3.Reming has left! Reming is such a lousy name. I propose Martinez de Zuniga. Nax. I learned that incopious name in my Kasaysayan1 Book worth a movie ticket and snacks [p300]. I am marooned in the house for 5 days with nothing to read but these textbooks that allows me to self-destruct anytime. Wah! I need help! Help in patriotizing unjust current events. I hate NEWS. Politics. Crime. Stupidity. Redundancy.


4.I'm planning ahead of my future. I wanna work under Philippine Star, Daily Inquirer, FHM [No Joke!], or any distinguished papers or mags.



5.My pamangkins must be destroyed before they further create havoc over my evil plans on them.

[26] meet YOUR president!

[26]


meet YOUR president!


I, Barry Cyrus Viloria, do hereby solemnly pledge to do my duties and responsibilities as the President of the Republic of the Philippines.


[cla clap clap]


The absurdity of the patheitc laws ie Republic Act Shit is a clue that our Freedom is not "True Freedom". My new LAWS will cover all shameful flaws imprinted on our butt cheeks by the past presidents. I therefore impose this ammendment of the current constitution whether those warfreakish and nasty politicians like it or not.


ARTICLE Oh-One
Identity


Section 01. Name of the Country. From now on, the Philippine Islands will now be known as "Aa", since it will be easier to pronounce and write ie the dimwits will find no isecurity in History classes and so will the mutes/ngongo's.


Section 02. Geography. All marine creatures and renowned swinners and/or divers will exercise their talents literally by allocating the entire archipelago south so we too, ca experience the fortune of drizzling snow.


ARTCILE Oh-Two
People


Section 01. Citizenship. All Filipinos from now on will be called Aans. All foreigners must be immediately punted out this country so as not to sink during high tides if the population incessantly increases.


Secton 02. Language. All Aans will mouth ONLY English and Filipino/tagalog.


Section 03. Dialect. ILOKANO will be in a copious sort for communication as I reject all native tongues especially the vexatious accents os the 'dung/'day regions.



ARTICLE Oh-Three
Regulations


Section 01. Outfit. Self-confessed and closet JOLOGS will be annihilated once they step out of their homes parading and showing off their hair-raising and nose-pinching sense of fashion. Raul Gonzales will head DOJ: Department of Jologs. If he will show any objection, I shall merit him with a death penalty with the ancient use of the guillotine.


Section 02. Crime. All forms of what we recognize as anti-ten-commandments will be in no question/.All Aans can do homicide, robbery, kidnapping-for-ransom, libel, graft and corruption, plagiarism, etcetera, etcetera. as long as they follow one certain rule: "Commit Crime and eat Ten Cockroaches," in a cause to decrease the incalculable population of criminals and such pests.


Section 03. Environment. Aans will adhere to Plant a tree first before hitting the showers" at least daily. Anyone with neuosus or schizophrenia would not dare refuse this decree and later, get declared as human forms of the Smokey Mountain.



To all these, thank you and clap for me.

these are my future cabinet members:
Nix
Department of Indifference
Ervin
Department of Tomatoculture
Kristal
Department of Potbellies
Maj
Department of Internal Affairs of Gossips
Mariefer
Department of Spiritual Affairs
Timang
Department of Mass Communication though
Incredible Vocal Range
Angeli
Department of Hair Straightening
Juni
Department of Exercise and Aerobics
Ralph
Department of Whitening Astringents
and Dermatology